But Why Snuffles?
by Writer-by-day
Summary: ONESHOT Sirius Black during TriWT utterly alone and iscolated, ponders why Snuffles? Out of all the code names he could have used... SNUFFLES! The answer lies ahead.


**A hoy hoy. Here's a short one I did for Siri after reading DH. It's not my best work by far, but it's cute, so enjoy Sirius fans. **

**DISCLAIMED. I dun claim the stuff you recognise. If I did I would be happy, but not me. **

**But Why Snuffles?**

Sirius Black sat in the almost dark cave he had been living in ever since he had relocated to the caves above Hogsmead. A long hard sigh escaped his water parched lips. There was just something about hiding for his life that was damn depressing. Buckbeak fidgeted outside and he looked up slowly, with eyes that were more weary then frightened.

There just didn't seem to be much more to be afraid of anymore. He had been through most of it. Death just seemed like another thing to bring his ego down; something that was inevitable, like a giant looming over his small, weak form.

He had once felt that he could do something good, something that could change the world. He seemed a broken form of his once young dawdlings, there seemed to be so much of that time wasted, so many memories faded, but they were memories he wouldn't trade for his life. The only things that had kept him alive for so long were those memories, and the dememtors had almost done those in too. He guessed it was lucky that he had gotten out when he did, lucky that he had (by chance) seen the news paper that particular day, and by chance, had been mentally alert enough that day to recognize an opportunity.

Sighing he got up from his spot in the back of the cave, to investigate what was making the hippogriff so nervous. His stiff muscles protested, but he pressed on, he missed being fit, swooned on, having his friends surrounding him, but was more then determined to get it back.

It turned out to be nothing but some bats on their way across the dusk sky. He watched them a moment as they weaved in and out of each other, in organized chaos against a light red sky. Buckbeak watched them with a mixture of desire and longing and Sirius placed a hand on the animal's neck. "Soon…" He promised in a voice no higher than a whisper; but even as the words left his lips, he couldn't find the guts to believe them.

He sat on a rock beside the giant creature, and it watched him with a sharp, intelligent eye. He had barely recognized the voice that had echoed off the cave walls as his own. When had he gotten so old? His heart sank lower than it had been before, for all he knew it now could have been in the cold rock below his feet, if he carried on the metaphor.

The colour in the sky faded out of sight, and soon all he was left with was pewter and dulled, darkened blue. A shiver went through his spine, and he walked back into the cave he had inhabited, smelling the on-coming rain with almost animalistic accuracy. He sat down again beside his pile of stolen papers and highly confidential and vague letters; feeling utterly useless and more and more like an inconvenience.

Squaring his jaw, he convinced himself otherwise. He had business he had to take care of outside Azkaban's walls, he was determined to get revenge for his murdered friends, determined to clear his name, and take care of the Godson he already felt he had failed.

Just the thought of Harry created a pang of guilt into his already sickly stomach. Just the look on his face when he had realized he had family, he had someone. It had almost broken him down just there. The kid was strong, strong like James, strong like everyone he had met and admired for their strength. Everyone he had ever met that had seen more than their share of the dark side of life. The kid seemed to have come out of the womb fighting, and just for that fact, Sirius found himself respecting him.

But not only that, Harry was good, in all meanings of the word. There was just something about the boy that screamed the word, and he was determined to give the kid a family, the one neither of them had ever had. He respected the boy like he had respected his friends and mentors.

Sirius Black, the one he remembered at least, had never given respect that easily. He wondered shortly if it was just that he was green from coming back from hell, or maybe it was the fact that Harry, above everyone; Remus included, had given him a chance to be good.

That was more then anyone had given him in 13 years, more than anyone had given him in a long time, longer then he wished he didn't have to admit, for both his ego and his reputation. Reputation, he pondered this for a moment, wondering when it had become important to him over anything else… It was strange to suddenly be able to think without bounds, sadness, regret and more than anything, anger.

When he had released himself of the dementor's grasp, it had sent in motion, more feelings then he could have ever remembered. Frankly it scared the shit out of him, how hollow and faceless he had been. Memories that he had forgotten about found his mind once again, and soon he had enough incentive to continue running.

Happiness was still hard to come by, but he had found some kind of sanity in the fact that he could still feel it, when he had given up on it years ago. Peace wasn't something he had ever really regarded as something he had cared for, and peace of mind was something he had rarely considered even possible for one such as himself. His thoughts stalled for a moment as realization dawned on his sunken features, he was comparing himself to the general population again, and that thought alone made it possible for him to break out of what ever depression he had been holding; for just a fraction of a second before falling back into it.

False hope gripped his heart, and this worried him, he couldn't get his hopes up too long, but the illusion of the happy family that Harry and him could make together had already clouded his thoughts for a moment and a wary grin, graced his features, before it sunk back into the depths from whence it came.

Sirius Black sat watching the soggy pewter sky pour rain onto the bare dirt outside. The weather seemed to match his mood, miserable. Sodding miserable. Staring out there just made it worse, numbed the pain he was feeling in his heart. Numbed to the core, the icy core. His stomach gurgled sickly.

He couldn't believe what he had done. He couldn't believe any of this was happening. There was just too much to absorb. It was just… a shock. Nothing more nothing less, even months later, it was still like yesterday when he had broken out of Askaban.

What made it even worse was the way he felt about everything; Dumbledore, the relief it was to have him back to believing his innocence, made him feel like just another burden to the already burdened old man. He knew Dumbledore more than most people might think, and he knew the his old professor was doing the best he could to put on a happy face for his own benefit, but guilt still welled up in Sirius's chest.

There was so much that hadn't sunken in yet. He guessed it was the dementor's grasp, slowly releasing his brain. He also guessed that was the reason he had blurted out what he did, he knew he had needed a cover name, but _Snuffles?!_

Another slow but deliberate smile crossed his lips. It had been so long ago, but the memory was liquid clear like the weather had been that night, before the icy rain had began its steady descent, it was a memory he had all but forgotten until the very second he asked to be called Snuffles;

_It had Christmas Eve, some 14 years ago. He had been invited along with Remus, to the Potters for Christmas. Harry was almost a year old, and was talking already. He remembered James's proud face as he rustled baby Harry's already bushy, chestnut-brown hair. There was a huge grin plastered on the man's face. It looked like he had just won the Quiddich World Cup, and Sirius had almost never seen him this happy. _

_Sirius remembered the day like it was yesterday, the icy air outside swirled snowflakes around the house, like icing sugar over a gingerbread house. The sky outside was dark black and he could remember trying to figure out where the snow was coming from, with the sky so clear. Then he had realized it was the wind moving massive amounts of snow off drifts and down the street. _

_It looked like just a cold isolated street, and yet when he turned his head back into the inside of the warm living room, it was like being in a different world, the fire going in the hearth had bathed everything in a golden glow. A small but heavily decorated Christmas tree donned the corner, with a couple coloured packages already set underneath it. _

_Remus was seated comfortably on the opposite side of the couch as him, sipping a hot butterbeer, a smile playing across his face as he watched James play with the baby on the floor, a tiny snitch floating between the two almost identical father and son pair. _

_He had been sprawled out on the other side of the couch, watching the torrent of blowing snow, Lily was in the kitchen fussing over the turkey, a string of curses flying from her lips as several pieces of broccoli came whizzing out of the pot and onto the floor. _

_Baby Harry giggled, James sent a lopsided grin to him before calling gently. "Lily flower, I do believe we agreed not to do that in front of Harry here." He sent him a wink too and Sirius could audibly hear Lily getting angry. Remus, who had already been kicked out of the kitchen a couple times called once again. "Are you sure you don't need any help?" he asked in a tired voice. _

"_Remus! If you ask ONE MORE TIME!" Lily warned her eyes flashing, a piece of wayward broccoli came zooming over his head and landed with a thunk in the window behind Rem's head. A small smile touched his lips for a moment. "You missed." He stated quietly, and Sirius and James snickered. _

_Lily sighed. "I really wasn't aiming." She stated, looking defeated. She walked out of the kitchen and sat down on her own chair. "Given up so soon?" He had asked, cocking an eyebrow, only to get a pillow thrown at his face. _

"_Mum is coming over with Dad." James explained, a smile tugging at the side of his mouth. "Ah, and we wanted to show up the greatest cook of all time?" Sirius asked cocking an eyebrow. Lily looked away and Sirius couldn't help but grin. _

"_Then we better get started."He had stated getting up and walking into the kitchen. Lily snorted, "Right, cause you can cook like Gwendolyn Potter…" Lily scoffed. _

"_Noo… I'm saying I can TRY to cook like Gwen Potter to make YOU look good, and still get to eat Mrs. P's great food while we're at it." Sirius stated not bothering to get up and glancing around to see that he had gotten mixed responses. _

"_And how do you suggest we do that?" Lily asked, looking slightly more amused. "We say that you let me pick up a wand and start cooking, and I messed it up sooo bad the food is un-touchable." Sirius stated. _

"_Padfoot my good friend, you stun me with your genius." James stated. "And once again, your stomach." Remus added with a wry smile. Sirius laughed a bark of a laugh and sent Lily a wink. "Anyone feel up to wrecking the kitchen with me?" He asked, waggling his eyebrows._

_James stood immediately and Lily put her hand up too, mumbling something about not being able to believe that she was wrecking her own kitchen just for a Potter meal. "Tut tut, this is not JUST a Potter meal, this is heaven on a dish." Sirius corrected walking into the kitchen, flicking his wand several different ways, and was walking out of the kitchen, before his friends even knew what happened. _

_He exited the kitchen and sent a wink to Remus; who indeed hadn't moved from his spot on the couch. "Remember last time we tried this?" Remus asked not even moving. "She had it clean in less than 5 minutes; this one might take a while longer." Sirius said, glancing back over his shoulder so his other friends wouldn't hear. "Want to bet?" Remus asked a sly smile growing on his face. "Loser goes naked in the snow." Sirius stated a grin._

_Remus didn't even hesitate, "Deal." He stated. Baby Harry gurgled. Lily and James walked back into the room, one paler than the other, "The Shark will, go away in time right?" Lily asked looking dumbfounded and surprised at the same time. _

_James however, saw right through it. "You've done this before, haven't you?" He asked reeling on Sirius. Sirius tried to put on an innocent face. "I would never think of it Prongsie." He stated indignantly. James shook his head, "You know… she wouldn't mind if you just came over and asked for something you know. You are basically her other son." He stated with a frown._

"_You mean other black hole. Besides, he has an ego to protect." Remus quipped as he shook some toy keys for Harry on the floor. "I know she secretly likes the challenge." Sirius stated slyly from the other side of the room, ignoring Remus's comment completely. _

_Remus frowned at the child sitting on the floor in front of him, "He's just pooped again." He stated, quite stoically. Lily frowned at his knowing, but swished her wand anyways, and the diaper was magically cleaned again. _

"_You have such good instincts about children Remus, I really don't know how you do it." She stated wistfully. "I had more than a few brothers and sisters that needed to be taken care of, especially after my mother died." Remus stated knowingly, he glanced up at his friends for a moment before sitting back down. "Liar!" Sirius yelled. "He could smell it a mile away, nose like a blood hound he has." James added while Remus tried to look severe and failed horribly._

_Lily just chuckled and sat down again, picking up the baby and letting him sit on her lap, she flicked her long red hair out of her cream coloured face so the baby wouldn't feel the need to tug on it. A frown pulled at her lips for a moment and she looked back at her hair. "Oh Merlin…" She murmured, her eyes going wide. "I forgot to take a shower." She got up and circled around for a moment, baby balanced precariously on her hip, looking for someone to dump it on. Remus had since picked up a book and was reading intently and James was in the process of adding more tinsel to the Christmas tree. _

_She stared at Sirius, and Sirius stared at her; a look of complete horror falling across his face and suddenly the baby was set on his lap. "Thanks love, but I gotta go." Lily stated already half way across the room. Sirius sputtered, speechlessly as he looked from the retreating red head to the drooling ball of hair and blubber in his lap. "Err." He stated feeling stuck. _

_He stared at Harry and Harry stared at him, a look of shock spreading across the kid's face, the shock changed to horror and suddenly large tears began forming in the child's eyes. "Oh fu-" _

"_WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Harry howled, Sirius couldn't think, both James and Remus were now staring at him and he was staring back helplessly, muttering under his breath. Harry let out another howl and Sirius snapped into action, "Err, ok ok, ummm," He placed the child on the floor and walked around in a circle. He looked back to his friends, "Do something!" He stated, his eyes begging them, they shrugged and continue to watch, small grins now appearing on their faces._

_Sirius stared at them, a look of utter loathing appearing on his face. "Oh, enjoy it while it lasts… I'm keeping this in mind for Christmas." Sirius growled, running a hand through his hair in rapid thought. _

_The baby stared and continued to cry. The other two men were laughing now, their voices ringing through the almost empty house. "Some dad he'll make." James managed to stutter out. Another wail racked the small house, echoing on the walls. Sirius glared at his best friends._

_Finally, he came up with an idea "Do you like doggies?" Sirius asked cocking an eyebrow at the kid who sniffled, Sirius watched his bottom lip wobble for a moment as little Harry waited for something to happen. In an instant Sirius was Padfoot, a huge dog grin plastered on the giant black dog's face. _

_Baby Harry froze, staring at the giant dog, the giant dog watched back, and a giggle broke the silence. Padfoot walked over to the child and nuzzled him on the shoulder. Sirius remembered not believing he was doing this… it was, cutesy… he was disgusted with himself, but the kid wasn't crying anymore. _

_A grin fell across his dog face and the baby giggled and reached out for his nose and grabbed it. Sirius brought his face down to where the baby's was and snuffled in his ear to try and get the baby off. _

_Baby Harry giggled and then started to laugh "Unkee! Snuffles!" He squealed through a giggle, "No!" he cried, grabbing Sirius's ears and pulling. Sirius grunted and nudged the kid so that he was lying on his back and began licking his face, he figured it was the right thing to do, less arm distraction, the child continued to giggle until he started to hiccup. _

_Harry grabbed his Godfather and hugged him around the neck, Sirius stood and in turn helped his Godson up. Harry, who could walk on wobbly legs used the big black dog as something to lean on, as he moved around. Before Sirius knew it Harry was sitting on his back. "GO Unkee Snuffles!" Harry exclaimed. Sirius stared at James, who just shrugged;_

"_Wasn't me mate, we didn't teach him that." He stated, trying, and failing to hide the grin that was now growing on his goofy face. Sirius raced around the room with Harry firmly holding on to his neck, he let out a high pitched cry of delight. _

_Sirius watched through blurry eyes as the room spun around him, Harry had firmly attached himself to his ears and was pulling. Finally he sat down, having had enough and stepped a few feet away before turning back into his human form. _

_Harry laughed again, tears of delight rolled down his face and he clapped his hands together, "Unkee Snuffles!?" He exclaimed with delight. Sirius allowed himself a sweeping bow and he scooped up the child again and swung him onto his shoulders. _

"_We should have taped that! We could have shown it to all his girlfriends!" James exclaimed happily. Sirius glared. "You don't even have to do that. Just invite them over and have him hold Harry." Remus added with a wink towards Sirius, who glared. "I'm never going to live this down am I?" Sirius asked looking defeated. _

_Both of the other men burst out laughing. "Oh no!" Remus managed to stumble. Just then a loud pop filled the air and Mr. and Mrs.'s Potter had arrived. Lily, as if by magic, entered the bathroom perfectly clean at about the same time. _

_Hugs, kisses, and other embarrassing things that Sirius wasn't used to enduring, ensued. This lasted for the duration of the day and into the night, before the older Potter couple departed for the night at around 11:30 with the promise of returning bright and early the next morning. _

_The group was now situated back in the living room, Harry had been put down for the night, and all of them were stuffed to the ears with food and goodies courtesy of Mrs. Potter. _

_They sat in silence except for some music playing in the background. Finally Remus broke the silence. "You know, you lost the bet mate." He stated glancing over at him with a small smile growing across his somewhat scarred face. _

_James cleared his throat and glanced from friend to friend. "And what does the loser do?... in this bet that was made without me in the room?" James asked looking uncertain and mischievous all at the same time. _

"_He's going commando in the snow." Remus stated getting up. Sirius cocked an eyebrow, "I don't know if I want to go now. If you want to see it so bad." Sirius stated indignantly. Remus chuckled, "Nice try." He stated dryly. _

_Lily had crinkled up her nose. Sirius watched with a mixture of distain and admiration. Lily Evans had been the only woman Hogwarts had ever known, to put her nose up at the notorious Sirius Black. "Come now Lily, I can't disgust you that much!" He exclaimed with a grin._

_James automatically wrapped an arm protectively over his wife. "Oh, I think you can." Lily sniffed. James looked proud. Sirius waved his hand at the sight, "Forget it mate, she's all yours." He stated getting up to join Remus, who gave him a quite evil smirk for the usually peaceful werewolf; Sirius continued walking and dropped trousers halfway down the hall. A grin now trying to convince his thoughts (and body) that it wasn't below freezing outside. _

_He allowed his ego and confidence to become his anti-cold barrier, but that would have been much easier if he had had more wine with dinner, and some hot girls to swoon over him, like the last time he had done this at Hogwarts. _

_Without as much as a batted eyelash, Sirius Black exited the house and entered subzero snow conditions in only his skivvies. The snow was calf deep, and colder than the last time he remembered having to do this as a bet. Ignoring the natural instinct to run back into the warmth of the house, and trying his best not to wince, he walked the front driveway and back, noting some teenage girls staring at him from the house across the street and sending them a discreet wink._

_Turning around he faced the house again to see three figures staring at him from beyond the pane of glass in the warm living room. A grin sliding easily onto his face he bent down and grabbed a hearty fist full of snow, forming it into a neat ball before he lobbed it at the window. One of the house's occupants jumped back as the snowball landed with a sick splat on the pane of glass. _

"_C'mon you cowards, it's lovely out here." Sirius exclaimed picking up another fist full of snow and chucking it at the window once again. He waited a couple seconds for his first victim to exit the house. James had donned a scarf and was now running out the door, the door slammed shut behind him and he turned around to stare at the now two occupants of the house. _

_Sirius took this as his chance and threw once more. The snowball hit with deadly accuracy against James's ear and looked like a bright white earmuff. "Oi!" He exclaimed as his hand shot up to his ear. He turned back to Sirius who had already formed another ice-ball in his hands, a maniacal grin plastered on his face. "Would you like a matching pair Prongs? I'm sure it can be arranged." He taunted evilly as threw another snowball at his best friend. _

_This time it missed his head by a couple of inches. The front door opened and Remus and Lily emerged dressed in big coats and gloves. "You'd think it was cold out." Sirius spat bitterly, glaring at the two of them and then looking down at his own, pretty but shrunken self. _

"_It was your bet mate." Remus reminded him, wobbling a finger. Sirius glared and threw again, this time catching Remus square in the chest. Figuring it was time to find some pants, Sirius ducked a snowball James had thrown at him and grabbed his wand from the steps where he had left it. Magicking on some clothes and dodging yet another snowball. _

_He glanced up with a true smile on his face as he watched what he had started, Lily was now passionately throwing balls of snow at James, and James was trying to use Remus as a protective shield. However, this wasn't working as planned because Remus shoved a hand full of snow in James's face and yelled a proud "Ha!" before arming himself once more, with a grin forming on happy face._

Sirius remembered feeling of being completely at peace in that moment; everything had been the way it should have been for the rest of their lives. A quiet tear stung his eyes and made its way down his cheek and onto the dry dirt beneath his feet.

This war had taken so much from everyone involved in it and he couldn't believe the loss he discovered that he still had hidden deep in his heart. He wondered slowly if he should share that memory with Harry if he ever asked where in the name of Merlin he had thought of Snuffles; then decided against it, there were too many embarrassing components to that one, and he quickly thought up a lie to cover it up. Dumbledore had suggested it. A small smile fluttered across his tired face as he thought it up, it was in fact, truly believable.

The rain continued to pour down, echoing softly across the cave walls, he glanced up at the sky and noticed it had now gone completely dark. Something about that fact, more than anything else comforted him, as it reminded him of that night, so long ago where he looked up at the sky and found the same thing that reflected back in his eyes now.

Buckbeak let out a little cry from the back of the cave, pulling him reluctantly back to reality. A lone brown owl swooped into the cave, stayed just long enough for him to untie the letter and the parcel that went along with it, and was gone once again into the night.

Sirius stared down at the letter clasped in his dirty hands and immediately recognized the messy scrawl of his Godson. He opened the letter with deliberate hands and stared, in awe, at the hand written sheet in front of him. It read;

_Snuffles;_

_I hope this wet weather isn't getting you down, I hope the owl I sent was fast enough so that the chicken I enclosed separately was still mildly warm. I figure that since its easy enough to 'steal' and all, you might as well have a descent meal._

_The third task is a maze, I haven't learned anything other than that yet. Hopefully Hermione can find some good spells at the library because I have a feeling it isn't going to be that easy. _

_They say you're in Peru by now; mad how fast you can run isn't it? With Dumbledore's 'help' and all. Anyways, the next Hogsmead trip is in 2 weeks. Rita Skeeter is finding a way to spy on us at school, but don't worry, Hermione says she's got it covered. I still can't believe what she did to Hagrid… anyways, that's all that's happening here. _

_Love, Harry._

_p.s Ron and Hermione wanted me to say hi. _

Sirius stared at the writing for a long time, it was hard to believe that little drooling, ear pulling, baby, was now writing to him, and was almost of age, competing in a Triwizard Tournament.

He was deeply saddened by exactly so much he missed while he was in jail. His stomach gurgled again and he picked up the bag of food that had come with the letter and tucked it. The word 'Snuffles' on the page caught his eye, and he stared at it for a long time, his chest feeling heavy with hidden emotion as he remembered the warm homely room back at Godric's Hollow, and was once again transported into the past.

**Thanks for reading.**

**... Review. **


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